Let’s Talk About Sex

Erik Cooper —  October 5, 2011 — 3 Comments

I’ve been wrestling with this post for a month now. I found the courage to speak on it a few weeks ago at City Community Church, but there’s something about seeing it in print that still makes me feel awkward. Like a 7th grade pubescent boy. And I guess that’s really why I’m writing this.

My daughter is in the 7th grade.

Sure, I’ve done all the things any good dad of a pre-teen daughter would do: licensed a gun, increased the bodily harm rider on my homeowner’s policy, studied Stallone, Van Dam, Stathan, the masters.

But guarding my daughter’s innocence has to go beyond threats of violence, secret service protection, or imprisoning her in a boy-free bio-dome (just a few ideas I’ve been sketching in my journal).

To enter this conversation wisely, I need to pursue my daughter’s heart. Beyond “don’t!” And “wait!” And “you will keep that door open!” She needs to embrace the why. God’s why, not just mine.

Sex is beautiful.

Sex is not wrong.

Sex is not sin.

Sex is a God-given desire.

Sex was created for the intimate expression and enjoyment of humanity.

However, like any gift, context is king.

As a communicator, I can use the gift of teaching to declare God’s Kingdom, or to manipulate for my own self-interest. Within the exact same expression is an ability to create life or death.

Sex is no different. Within it’s God-given purpose and context, sex will rock your world! Deepen intimacy. Forge an eternal bond. Create beauty. Used selfishly, it breeds pain, brokenness, heartache, and lasting emotional scars.

If there’s one underlying concept I want to pass to my daughter about sexual expression, it’s this:

“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.” –1 Cor. 6:16 MSG

As much as we’d like to convince ourselves otherwise, sex is never just a physical act. It’s so much deeper. Spiritual. Mysterious. It’s the way God created it. The way He created us.

Sex is a gift. Honor it’s created context, and it breeds joy, pleasure, and life. Treat it trivially, and we end up wrestling with regret.

What do you think? Do you agree, or am I just a conservative prude paranoid about raising his daughters?

3 responses to Let’s Talk About Sex

  1. Just wondering if you realize your Mom probably reads your blog 🙂 teehee

    And picturing you in high school. All of this is just too much for me. You still feel like a brother to me … a brother that ran for the hills when myself, Amy, Mandy, Heather, and/or Melissa would talk about LIP GLOSS let alone the “above mentioned subject” 🙂

    Okay. Jokes off.

    I think your point is quite solid of course. And not only in sex ed but also in all areas which require a strong foothold, a strong reserve, and strong decision. Without the “why”….the footholds turn to sand, the reserves run out, and the decisions seem small compared to what you ‘could’ have.

    We cannot allow another generation to be raised, within “the church”, without the “WHY’s” being established, ingrained, and understood…as much as the exciting songs, Roman’s Road, and the human videos were ingrained into our generation.

    I led myself on my on ‘WHY?’ journey in my late teens/early twenties and again when I started teaching my own children our moral values.

    It would have been a lot easier to have had the “WHY’s” coming from ALL sides instead of having to sift through for them myself.

    You are not a prude. Well, at least you aren’t anymore apparently;)


    PS I’m sharing some of your “daughter protection” techniques with Jim. BUT, happily, we have four big brothers some dude will have to get through before they even get to catch Aven’s eye 🙂

    ((But I REALLY like your “imprisoning her in a boy-free bio-dome”…very creative and reasonable ;))

    • Maybe Jim and I should get together and talk strategy. 🙂

      I think you’re right Andrea. Helping our kids wade through the “why” will help them establish their own foundation. Their own trust in God. Their own connection to Him, rather than just a cultural set of norms. Our churches have to get more comfortable with uncomfortable questions.

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